To my friend BERNIE — I’M SORRY
My friend Bernie past away a few years ago. He was the salt of the earth and at the time of his death I feel I let him down.
I first met him in the early seventies. Bernie was employed as a carpet salesman with Venture Carpet Mills in the Baltimore territory and I was employed by General Felt Industries covering the northeast.
In those days the carpet industry produced trade shows in the major markets, NY, Atlanta, Dallas, LA, San Francisco and Chicago semi annually. The shows were called markets and I normally attended the east coast shows. The markets were the closest thing to conventions that I knew of. Even though we worked very hard during the markets they were a ball to attend. For the younger guys it was an opportunity to run wild and go absolutely crazy. Many of us had large expense accounts and we used them. Three or four weeks in a row of raising hell. Kind of like spring break while in college. The markets were well anticipated events for all concerned. It is easy to assume that these affairs were as much a social gathering as well as a serious business endeavor, maybe more so.
In those days the industry was quite small and many of us knew each other especially the guys on the road. It seemed many of us would be on the same flights, stayed in the same hotels and often would share cabs from the airports. The markets offered us the opportunity to get together on a very social level. A great time was had by most. We would work all day in the showrooms and then party into the wee hours four days in a row.
Entertaining clients was imperative and many times a client would be entertained by multiple suppliers at the same time so that added to the collegiate attitude that existed between competitors. Their were times we would split tabs or even treat one another. Lavish dinners and parties after hours were commonplace as well as immense cocktail parties thrown by various factors and yarn manufactures. Money was thrown around like water. Terrific food and an abundance of booze. I loved those days and have some great memories of them.
Some of us still stay in touch. It’s fun talking about the good old days. Once in awhile we get together. In Bernie’s case we became super close friends becoming as tight as family.
The floor covering industry has exploded over the years. As an example there were over five hundred carpet mills at one time and most had representation. It was not uncommon for salesman to represent several mills at the same time selling goods to same customers.
The company I worked for in those days was the leader in their field and the young “Turks” were the most elite group in the industry. If one worked for GFI he was a top dog. I was one of this lucky group. Everything we did was first class. When we flew it was first class. We always stayed in the best hotels and seldom rented anything less than a suite. We also were involved with the largest clients. Life was great in the fast lane.
Bernie and I often found ourselves involved with the same clientele and became buddies. He was a blast to be around. Bernie was all about fun, the crazier the better. He would have been an active member of my group in college. Bernie played football at The University of Maryland and was my kind of guy. It was as if we came out of the same bag of tricks. At markets wherever I went Bernie was sure to follow and visa versa. Many people thought we were brothers.
There are Bernie stories I could tell that bring a smile to my face but are not meant to be shared. Suffice to say we did things other men only dream about.
Over the years we shared lots of ups and downs. There were times when we had each other’s back when we faced down some rough times. We shared successes attended family affairs as well as some extremely low moment.
As the years went by both of us tamed down immensely. Everything in life is not peaches and cream and the high times don’t chug along like old man river. Negative family, career, and health issues sometimes appear and sometimes require the support of closest allies. Bernie was always there for me but due to a terrible lack of judgement and understanding on my part I wasn’t there for Bernie at the most critical time and I feel I let us both down. I still can’t believe I was so selfish and devoid of understanding.
Bernie had not been well for a number of years. He was a cancer survivor twice and was a terrible diabetic. His diabetes required multiple surgeries on his feet. He dodged foot amputations by having toes removed. He pretty much lost his eyesight in one eye and the other was beginning to fail. It was horrible witnessing the deterioration of this once exceptionally vibrant guy. What was amazing was that through it all he kept his sense of humor and always maintained a bright outlook. It’s worth mentioning that through his trials Bernie became extremely religious.
For awhile Bernie’s health appeared to be improving. He put his business up for sale and asked me to start investigating various things in preparation for him to relocate to Hilton Head so he could be closer to me and Carole. His plan was to get involved with my business and just hang in as long as he could. The idea was fine with me.
Suddenly he became ill again and ended up in the hospital. We spoke to each other everyday for awhile for long periods of time. Always kidding around and including the nurses on some conversations. Bernie kept me up to date on his treatment. Everything sounded as if things were improving except he complained that his wife and he were arguing at every visit. I knew they didn’t always get along but this was different. From what he disclosed they were battling over unusual issues. He kept telling me that Linda stopped bringing him food and he was starving and that she wasn’t answering his calls. I called Linda and flat out asked her what was going on and really just how ill Bernie was. Her response was something like he’s doing fair but it’s just the medication talking. She convinced me that he was OK and I shouldn’t be too concerned. The next day I called Bernie and he insisted she was full of shit. He also mentioned that he was going to be moved to another hospital. Truthfully I had no idea if that was good or bad news.
I called Bernie’s cell phone the next day and he didn’t answer. Later in the day I received a call from Bernie and he was enraged. Screaming at me over the phone. He demanded that call Linda and make her call him immediately and to bring him food. He apparently was pissed at me too. He sounded very strong. I called Linda immediately and she said she had just left him and made light of the whole thing and we started to laugh.
I never called Bernie back. I wanted him to cool down and I thought he would call if he needed me.
That weekend Carole and I took off in the RV for a few days. We were well on our way when I received the call. Bernie was gone just a few hours earlier. Hit me like a ton of bricks.
I had taken it for granted that Bernie would pull through as he did so many times before.
I thought about all the times we had together. So many shared experiences but in the end I wasn’t there. I feel I could have made his demise a little more comfortable. My guess is he died amongst strangers. If it means anything I think about Bernie often. He is still a great sounding board.
