GOOD LOOKS JEST AIN’T EVERYTHANG
Sometimes you come across someone you are attracted to who is a little different than you culturally. Sometimes the difference comes from the environment or intellectual capacity or application of God-given intelligence.
I have found that most people have a far greater capacity to learn than they are willing to utilize or apply. They don’t use near what is available and should.
One day I came across a beautiful creature who worked as a clerk in a local drug store down the street from my office. She was a CLASS A FLAMINGO. The first time I saw her, I was stricken. All the signs were there. Heart missing a beat, and the knees grew weak. The pheromones were working overtime. For several days I would find excuses to visit the drug store, but we never spoke. Finally, I mustered up the courage to initiate a conversation.
WOW! I couldn’t believe my ears. I thought I was in the back hills of Kentucky. Out came the most country and primitive vocabulary I had ever heard. I couldn’t believe what was coming out of that glorious mouth. How could this magnificent, well-adorned women permit herself to present her very being so poorly? Indeed, she had some education? Had to? Refinement had left the premises and never returned. Certainly, something similar to Charlie the Tuna was going on.
As I got to know her, it became apparent that we had very little in common other than her physical beauty, and there was no hope or desire for her intellectual growth; however, the FLAMINGO EFFECT lasted a long time. She was deficient intellectually and socially. She made up for it in more physical ways even though her manors (especially table manors) were atrocious, as were her values.
I once belonged to a very posh private superclub in Chattanooga. It was one of those places where all the women were presented with a rose upon being seated and the matchbook on the table was personalized with the host’s name. Upon arrival, you were always greeted by your name, and it was unheard of to wait for a table. The food and service were fabulous, and the menu never displayed prices for the fare.
One night after THE FLAMINGO was recuperating from surgery; I decided we would celebrate by having diner at the club. I made reservations and told the maitre d’ about the occasion. Both the FLAMINGO and I were dressed to the hilt. She was wearing a turban and looked like a movie star, and I was wearing a dark suite.
Upon arrival, we were immediately escorted to an excellent table by a large window overlooking the Chattanooga skyline. Matches were on the table and every waiter stood in line to present a rose to THE FLAMINGO. Queen Elizabeth would not have received a more affable greeting. We were served wine, and our server brought a basket of assorted baked goods. A violinist appeared and began playing. It was like being in dreamland.
What followed will haunt me for the rest of my life.
The FLAMINGO reached for a piece of bread, put it on the table cloth, buttered it with big gobs of butter and put the butter knife in her mouth and licked off the excess butter. For a moment she reminded me of a sword swallower. The waiter looked at me in horror and rolled his eyes. I looked down and shrunk in my seat.
You can take the girl out of the country but you can’t take the country out of the girl.
She appeared to have no feelings for anybody but herself. She was a gold digger and knew she was damn good-looking. Hall and Oates once sang a popular song about her, “She’s a Maneater.” One line in the song “The Beauty is In the Face, but the BEAST is in the Heart.” Describes her very well. She was horrible to be around and an absolute BITCH. I punished myself for years because of her beauty and seductive ways.
She lacked good manners, respect for others, integrity, morals, character, and class. I doubt if she could love anybody but herself. She must have had a very shallow upbringing because there didn’t seem to be a desire for any cerebral or any other improvement. All that mattered was her appearance. Hardly the world I came from, but I endured the involvement. We were from two different galaxies.
The day finally came when I decided to abandon her and move on. I met and started to date another woman. A life saver and a breath of fresh air.
One weekend my new friend and I decided to spend a few days at my place in North Carolina. I also had a condo in Destin, Florida, that I frequently used for weekend retreats. After we arrived in NC, I received a call from THE FLAMINGO, who demanded to know where I was. I told her I was in NC, while she thought I was in Fla., and the call was automatically forwarded. She attempted to trap me, so she asked how the weather in NC was while traveling. I suppose she had heard a weather report. I told her the truth. I said the weather coming up was ominous. She replied, “OMINOUS? What the hell does OMINOUS mean?” I responded as I thought she would have understood, “dark and scary,” to which she replied, “ WHY IN THEE FEK CAIN’T YOU JEST SAY DARK N SCARRY.” I guess she was right. It was like east meets west—two different worlds or galaxies.
I am not a snob and by no means am I suggesting that culture or intellect make one a better person. What I am saying is that attempting to improve oneself demonstrates some positive attributes. We all have the potential to improve but do we all make use of it? THE FLAMINGO didn’t and probably never will. Some people rebel against self-improvement. I will never understand why some people don’t try to use the sense and intelligence God had provided them with.
I will be telling this story somewhere ages and ages hence……………..I have a bagful of tales about this woman. Each one is similar to the ones I just told. What gets me is how so many guys were beguiled by her. They were standing in line like sheep to be slaughtered. How I became such a victim is apparent.
